Pain is Your Weapon

“I think you’re magicians because you’re unhappy. A magician is strong because he feels pain. He feels the difference between what the world is and what he would make of it. Or what did you think that stuff in your chest was? A magician is strong because he hurts more than others. His wound is his strength. Most people carry that pain around inside them their whole lives, until they kill the pain by other means, or until it kills them. But you, my friends, you found another way: a way to use the pain. To burn it as fuel, for light and warmth. You have learned to break the world that has tried to break you.” 

                                                    – Lev Grossman, The Magicians

That’s it. That’s the blog post.

Yeah, okay I lied,  but you’re going to wish that was the end, because I’m about to get emotional and deep and that’s not usually something I do in my blog posts. So, if you’re reading this… grab some tissues and your favorite pet and get ready for a storm.

I’m not usually one to get emotional for the entire whole wide inter-web to see (i said usually) but I’ve recently started reading this book, The Magicians by Lev Grossman, and I feel like I needed to share the realness of this book. Specifically, this quote.

I read this quote and I put my book down and I cried. I ugly cried, okay? Full on blubbering, half wheezing to get oxygen, and tears rushing down my face like a hurricane. Just think over-dramatic-kim-kardashian-crying-over-her-earring face. OKay, now that you’re imagining the ugly cry let me tell you why.

This is important. This is something that everyone should think about when they feel like the world has plotted against them. You’re the main character in the story and you’re at the lowest point in the plot and you want to give up. That’s how I’ve felt lately. And I know majority of people have been to that place too. Some might be there with me right now, and if you are this is the pick me up you’ve been looking for. Or, at least, the post to make you feel a little less alone.

Now, we may not all have magic like the characters in this book. We can’t wave our hands in the air and say some magic words in a far too complicated language and make everything better. But neither can they. The point of their magic is for show and the main character, Quinten Coldwater, struggles with that so hard. He can’t cure his father’s cancer with magic. He can’t make himself happy with a spell. He can’t take away the girl he love’s childhood pain with the wave of his hands or the blink of an eye. He can’t fix his pain any easier than we can, but he is better and stronger because of it.

I always grew up wishing I had magic for the same reasons. I wanted to be able to say “abracadabra” and pull a new pet out of my hat. I wanted to go to Narnia and save the world and be crowned a Queen and meet magical talking creatures who give me a purpose. I wanted to wish my homework away. I wanted to make my parents marriage work with a love potion. I wanted to say a spell find my own person to love me. I wanted magic, because I thought that if I had magic that the world might start to make sense for once.

That it’d be easier.

Nineteen years old and I can tell you the world still doesn’t make anymore sense than it did when I was ten or even sixteen. I don’t think it ever makes sense — it’s not supposed to. The sun rises and sets everyday and you just have to go with it. You have to give yourself sleep deprivation to get that good grade. You have to work a nine to five job just to barely survive paycheck to paycheck and hope to make a name of yourself eventually. You have to go through heartbreak and lose friends to learn the value of yourself. You have to lose yourself just to find yourself again.

You have to break so you can sit down and pick up the pieces of your shattered self and rebuild it stronger than it was before.

Magic or no magic, we go through hardships every single day. The world turns and with each day there’s another test and another trial and you either let it beat you until you’re on your knees begging for mercy or you push yourself off the ground and clean off the blood and try again. You try again and you learn. That’s the point.

The point is that your pain isn’t a bad thing. You don’t have to sit there and curse the world for hurting so bad. You can use this pain. You can overcome it. You can let it shape you into something bigger and better and stronger. And even if you don’t believe that yet, you can at least look at it this way: you’re unhappy, and that’s halfway to being a magician.

You can sit in your bed all day and ask yourself “why me”, but I think the better question is “how do I overcome this”. You may not have magic to focus all your pain into, but there are outlets. The best writers and musicians and artists, they know how to use their emotions to make something that means something to someone. They pour their heart and soul into something and that’s how they cope. That’s how they break the world that has broken them.

How will you break the world? How will you use your pain to make an impact? How will you rebuild yourself when the world has turned it’s back on you?

Write until there are no words left in your head. Play an instrument until your fingers bleed and your hand cramps up. Sing until your voice is nothing more than a croak. Find the highest building in your town and scream until the cops get called if that’s what helps.

Tell that pain thank you for making you who you are today.


Word Vomit Cure All

I haven’t written a blog post in a while and I kind of hate that. I started this because I was passionate about it and I wanted people to see into the depths of my mind. And every day I still ask myself: what could I post? But every day the answer is: I don’t know.

I don’t know if it’s writer’s block or a severe lack of inspirational wisdom or interesting scenarios, but I stare at the blank screen and sigh and move on.

They say if you have writer’s block that you’re supposed to start writing/typing random words on the screen — I like to call it word vomit — and eventually something will come to mind. I can safely say that it works, though it may not be that five minute cure you’re looking for. When I write my novels I always get to that point halfway through a chapter where I’m like “what now” and I kind of start writing what could happen and honestly… sometimes it takes a good couple days or weeks to come up with anything great.

My advice? Just don’t give up — generic I know. I mean, how many times has someone told you that? But really, the epiphany you have is worth the wait. It’s like this consuming wave of satisfaction that sweeps through you’re entire body whispering “yes this is what I’ve waited for this entire time”.

So I urge you, strive for that sweet bliss of satisfaction and you will NEVER (okay maybe that’s a stretch, but hopefully never) lose your will to write.

Hillbilly Camping

What do you do when your camping trip gets rained out? Camp in your backyard or as my uncle likes to call it, “Hillbilly Camp”.

One bright and sunny Friday, well it wasn’t all that bright and sunny at all actually. In fact, it had been overcast all day and as the day continued on the air got colder and colder. My family sat in the house, disappointed that the weather decided to ruin their camping plans (yes the weather has a mind of its own, duh, don’t question it).

So our next choices were either family game night, the movies, or camping on our lake’s little island. The lake was known for its crocodile resident and its lack of toilet. For real campers, that wouldn’t have been a problem, but for us… well we prefer not to sleep with one eye open or pee in plain sight as the island doesn’t exactly have coverage for going to the bathroom. The whole family wasn’t together for family game night so that was completely thrown out. Then, for some reason, the movies were never mentioned again.

After a while of debating, we finally decided that our best bet was to set up the tents in the backyard and hunt down a portable fireplace. Sounds great right? Maybe if your family wasn’t as dysfunctional as mine (it was also their idea to have me write this blog post).

Iconic Quotes and Fails:

• “Make sure you get a close up pic of my calluses and the splinters I got from the wood.” – uncle Dave

• “well maybe we should put some bricks so I don’t light your grass on fire” – scott

• “I got a bucket in the garage we can just fill that with water and put it on stand by” – uncle dave

• my uncle found it very necessary to tell EVERY family member just how fast we were able to put up our sixty second pop up tents

• don’t ever ask me to tell a scary camp fire story. I may be able to write a book, but I can’t story tell to save my life.

• we had to make two trips to the store because we forgot THE ESSENTIAL firewood the first time

• out of the six people, only three made it through the night in the tents (yes I went inside. Scott snores insanely loud and I cherish my sleep)

long story short, we probably wouldn’t have lasted four hours on a real camping trip, but at least we tried.

This Post is a Mess (and so is college)

Welcome to the second semester of college! It’s about that time of the year where I start to lose my sanity from having tests every other day! And where I’m losing my mind so much that I decided to write this non-sense post!

Are you ready for round two of college tips? I forgot half of them already, but we’re still going to go for it:


9) The Importance of Phone Numbers

well here it is kiddos, six weeks into second semester and I’m sitting in my room writing this post and crying (not really) over the fact that I’ve somehow managed to not get a single number from anyone in any of my classes. And! I’m! Lost! Last semester I had numbers from at least one person in each of my classes and now I see how much of a life saver that was.

10) The Glory of Extra Pants

in the wonderful words of my roommate “if you don’t bring an extra pair of pants you might have to wear your jacket as pants, it hasn’t happened to me… yet, but I’ve seen it”. If you are in science class that requires a lab, be sure to bring extra *lab appropriate* pants. Just have them on you at all times. Wear them to the gym! Wear them on a date! You never know when you’ll need to be lab safe.

11) No Sandra, You Won’t Remember it Later

write! it! down! Somewhere, anywhere, everywhere. Just do yourself a favor and write it down. Even if you have to sharpie it on a wall or your boyfriend. Even if you have to shave it into your favorite pet cat. WRITE IT DOWN! Me and my roommate literally have a white board on our fridge because we can never remember what groceries we need… and when trash day is (p.s. its wednesday).

12) Your new best friend: RateMyProfessor

if you don’t want to struggle all semester, scream in your bedroom at two a.m. out of frustration, and cry over terrible grades because your professors are awful then use this glorious site. It may not be entirely accurate, but it might just save your life… I mean your GPA, but same thing right?

13) Bench Naps

you’re probably asking yourself right now what kind of drugs I took while writing this. The answer is none, I just haven’t slept since I started college. Oh the places college kids will sleep. Benches are a pretty common spot: on top of them, under them, with them — you name it. Sleeping in the library while attempting to study, sleeping in class, sleeping standing, putting jackets over the windows in your car to block the sun out, and even sleeping on desks! There is no judging in college, bring a pillow and blanket you’ll get some mad respect and maybe even get featured on your local campus story.

14) Round Two of College Prof or Overgrown Child with a PHD?

a new semester means a new list of insane teachers!

  • “This isn’t the 1960’s, this is a microbiology lab. Why do I see your ankles?” I wonder how this micro prof would react to seeing shoulders.
  • And yet another English prof who is a fangirl over victorian age writers. “honestly this author was on drugs every time he wrote things, I wish I could teach this lesson and let ya’ll drink wine so you might actually understand it, but that’s illegal” (side note: she also talks about the authors as if she has a personal relationship with them)
  • a history prof who likes to pretend he’s immortal and has lived through every event he teaches. “So GW (george washington), I can call him that because I knew him and it’s not rude to give him a nickname”.
  • “I’m only a good mom when it’s around the child chapter because it’s when I’m reminded that I need to be a better mom.” – my roommates life span prof
  • And last but not least my lovely sign language teacher who I had an entire ten minute conversation with (in sign) about how great the x-files is and how hot Fox Mulder is.

15) Read Your Blog Posts to Your Roommate so You Can Confirm that You’re Actually (somewhat) Funny and Not Just Delirious

that’s it. that’s the tip.


*another note to my family members reading this: my grades are still good, I promise. 

The Writer’s Drug

Tonight — or I suppose I should say this morning since it is two am — I found myself doing something I hadn’t done in a while. Reading; and in that I remembered some important things that I had forgotten while living in the real world and not burying my muddied mind in a fantasy world.

I don’t like being away from fantasy worlds for so long. The real world is scary and, for lack of a better word, it’s real. I have to face the real world and all it’s real things. I have to wake up every morning and attend my college classes and do real world adult things. In books I don’t have to do that. I get to live a dream life of a dream character who fights her demons every day with swords or magic. I get to go on adventures that I otherwise would never be able to go on in the real world. I get to get lost in books and forget the idle world I live in. It’s intoxicating.

I think reading makes my writing better. It’s not that in reading I learn a certain creative writing style or get ideas — although those things subconsciously implement themselves into my writing. But reading turns certain cogs in my brain that inspire certain words and sentences to formulate themselves in my mind. It puts me in a mood to where I want to create something that makes others feel the way I do when I read someone else’s writing. Hence why I so badly crave to be an author.

It could be the sleep deprivation — as I do find that most of my better writings have come from the lack of sleep. I guess the lack of sleep coaxes awake another part of my brain that also helps inspire creativity and perhaps that’s why I always want to write right after I read something. Because I always tend to read at odd hours of the night too or rather I start reading at normal human times and find that I can only manage to peel myself away from reading when the stars reveal themselves.

But I remember now why I began writing. It’s like an impulse and twitch of fingers in my mind that become impatient and un-still when I have been away from reading for a long amount of time. And those fingers crave to feel what they did when I read and so I began to recreate those feelings in my own writing. I wanted others to know that feeling.

A writers drug is what I would consider reading to be — something the addict can fall upon when they can’t take the withdrawals of being thrown into a world that is not their own. Or perhaps reading is the drug itself, it does the same for me as I would imagine drugs do for druggies. It brings me a sense of relief that clouds the stresses in my brain and puts me in a state of mind that I constantly wish I could be in.

The Month That Started it All

Ahh NaNoWriMo, I can almost feel the finger cramps and the bags under my eyes from staying up all night trying to maintain my daily word count (that I totally never kept up with).

I’m really excited to write this blog post! I literally jumped up from the couch I was laying on when I realized that it is November! If you don’t know what that means; it’s National Novel Writing Month! This is the month that started it all. This is the month I finally sat myself down and decided to write an entire novel and stick with it.

So I guess that means it’s officially the birthday of writing my novel! Happy one year Remember!

I can remember when I first came up for the idea for this novel — or rather when I awoke from the strangest dream of my life. I wrote it down in my notes on my phone at probably three in the morning and went back to sleep. When woke up in the morning, not even remembering having written in it since it was so early, I was shocked at my own dream.

I still have the original note:

*people’s names were changed (for my own sanity of them not knowing I dreamt of them)

“Alright so like these government people decided to wipe everyone’s memories and put them in a simulation for the rest of their life and we were like supposed to figure out that it wasn’t real (it was kind of like the divergent simulations) but they didn’t tell us that. So basically we just had to get lucky and realize that something wasn’t right and eventually I recognized this guy and then suddenly my sim faded around me and the gov people were like congrats you are now fully aware and then they drugged me again and like threw me into this building, letting me believe I was the only one aware but I wasn’t. So like john found me while I was drugged and picked me up and brought me to where Jane and him were hiding and I guess we all remembered each other or something and when I came to we were like in this room with no doors or windows and the only food we got was this weird thing from this lady who made a hole in the wall appear. So technically we were under an even bigger simulation but it was real life and everyone had powers and we just had to see through the glamours and John had already figured that out but Jane wasn’t aware enough and he taught me how and I was much stronger than him and so I made the real room appear and we escaped and had to save everyone and run from the government who were hunting us and it was scary but so cool”

How I wrote all that down half asleep I’ll never know. What I did know is that it was novel worthy and I have national novel writing month to thank for inspiring me to begin writing it and pushing me to continue even when the month was over. I still cannot believe that I was finally able to say that I wrote an entire book.

Good luck to all those NaNo-ing this month! I hope you accomplish your goals (even if it takes much longer than the month). Don’t give up no matter how many sleepless nights you sit through stuck with awful writers block. I promise it will all come to you in due time and you will feel so accomplished with yourself when it does!

As someone who went through countless nights of writers block and numerous other novels before finally finishing one. I can tell you that it gets easier and it’s totally worth the wait.

The College Life

I suppose it’s about time I wrote another blog post (and I do deeply apologize for how long I’ve been away). Since college is the reason I have been unable to post, I have decided I am going to dedicate this entire blog post to everything I’ve noticed about college and maybe some tips (even though I’m still trying to figure everything out too):

1) Aliens.

Aliens? Yes, aliens. You’re an alien and I’m an alien and we are now attending the alien college for all aliens taught by alien professors. Suddenly, we are no longer apart of earth and we are in space and everything is just alien. That’s a fact and you better start accepting it now.

When I first stepped on my college campus it felt normal — that is the only thing that felt normal. My high school is about the size of a small, community college campus, so there was not much difference there, but when I stepped into my classroom, suddenly, I was on a different planet. In that room we have Professor Alien, Alien with a kid, Alien who should have graduated forty years ago, and Alien “are you sure you graduated high school”? Aliens. All of them. It’s like stepping out of a plane and into a different country and suddenly you are the only *enter ethnicity/nationality/race here*. Everyone is so different, but at least you all have that in common.

2) Planners.

Sure you only have maybe two classes a day and if you’re lucky you don’t have a Friday class, but did you remember the four essays, seventeen projects, and four thousand seven hundred and ninety-two worksheets you have due next week? No? You forgot? Yeah, I did too. Get a planner. I promise it’s worth your money and it will literally save your life (and your wallet from having to pay to take that class again).

3) Bikes.

If you have one, they’re great! If you don’t, they’re literally the spawns of Satan on wheels. Some college campuses are large and, I don’t care how much you work out in the gym, walking gets tiring after a while. Bikes are great for large, open campuses with lots of room on the sidewalks so you don’t hit people when the bags under your eyes get too big for you to see what is in front of you and you’re not stressing about that exam you just took and… I’m getting carried away. They’re great! Except for when you don’t have one and then it becomes a game of college Frogger.

4) Death… I mean exams…

Hi, my name is Chandlar and I never studied in high school and now I have no idea how to study in college.

Don’t be me.

Actually your high school study habits aren’t going to help you either. Studying in college is much harder. You’ll probably end up reading your required text books seven times, back wards, upside down, and in a dead language just so you can understand the content better. And then, you’ll still only pass with a B. Make sure you pick a major that you actually enjoy because that’s going to be every single second of your life for the next four to eight years.


Yes, surprisingly, you’ll actually have those in college and I swear on everything that they will be the best friends you have ever made in your entire life. No, that does not mean your friends from high school will become any less important and no you will not drift away from them if you maintain your connection, but don’t spend all your time on them. College friends are great and you’ll spend every available moment with them, because somehow they understand you better and quicker than anyone did in high school. You have much more in common (if you make friends in your major) and you have more freedom to do the things you’ve always wanted to do and be the person you’ve always wanted to be. Plus, you know what they say about shared trauma…

6) Attendance.

“Attendance is mandatory”, no, no it’s not. If you want to pass, yes, yes it is. Some teachers take attendance and some don’t, but you should attend class anyways. If you miss one day you might as well drop the whole class because Ted from Kappa Apple Pie was too drunk to take notes and the smart kid in class isn’t just going to let you borrow their’s and you’ll never catch up without having to email the professor and somehow explain to them why they should care enough to tell you what you missed when they have four hundred other things to worry about.

*side note: most professors are actually very nice and helpful and would be glad to meet with you outside of class, but not if you just skip class to skip.

7) Bonus Points.

They get handed out like candy and sometimes it literally is getting handed candy. Attended class when no one else did? Bonus points! Wore your Halloween costume to class? Bonus points! The professor was having a really good day? BONUS POINTS! Then there’s that really rare moment where they decided they were too lazy to grade an assignment and you all get free one hundreds. Bonus. Frickin. Points.

8) Professor or Overgrown Child with a PHD?

I’m just going to list some professors I’ve run into so far:

  • A psychology professor who, and I quote from my roommate, “has purple hair, screams at walls, walks around barefoot, and is quitting college to go to Hogwarts because she is magical”.
  • My theatre professor literally makes us call him by his first name “because we are all friends here”.
  • An English Professor who is literally a fangirl just with medieval literature
  • “I was up till three in the morning playing video games and forgot I had a huge stack of papers to grade so your exam grades will be in next Tuesday.” – my math prof who is also obsessed with cats.
  • Did you know you could relate government to comic books? Yeah I didn’t either until my college government class.


Yes, I am finishing this bullet point list off on eight because, despite the numerous things I could still talk about, I actually have college work I need to do. Considering I just took a good hour to write this blog post and avoid my homework.

Lastly, to my family members who are reading this: I have good grades, I swear.

College or Extended Summer?

Maybe I’m crazy or maybe I’m just taking the right classes (I’m probably going to go with the first option) but college, so far, has felt no different than summer vacation did.

It has officially almost been an entire month of my first year of college and I still cannot decide how I feel about it. It is exciting I guess, it being this new and undiscovered part of life and terrifying for the exact same reason. I don’t know what lurks around every corner and I don’t know what to expect. Will I pass or will I end up failing?

I hope it’s not the latter. So far, my classes have been quite easy (knock on wood). I understand everything that is going on and I actually enjoy my classes as well as the professors. I’m not quite sure why professors on TV and movies are portrayed as such mean and strict people because mine are so nice and they honestly remind me of overgrown teenagers. They’re really no different than the students they teach.

Going back to my feelings, it really does feel like I am going through this super extended summer break. My classes do not give me that much homework, nothing that takes more than an hour max (as long as I keep up with my work and not procrastinate lol), and since I only take a few hours of class a day I feel like I have so much time on my hands.

Most days I get home at noon and then I have the whole day ahead of me. It’s an odd feeling and kind of scary. There’s always this looming feeling that I’m forgetting to do something crucial even though I’ve checked every single class syllabus like seventeen times.

I can definitely say that I miss my home and my best friends but it is kind of fun being on my own. I only hope that college continues to go smoothly plus I have my first exam tomorrow so we’ll see how that goes…

Why I Want to be an Author

Have you ever read a book you loved so much that you couldn’t put it down? Not for food or sleep or school or anything at all. The book was glued to your hands and your eyes to it.

Have you ever fallen so in love with a character that you wish they actually existed? You actually start looking at people and comparing them to that character. Which qualities do they share and which are complete opposite.

Have you ever carried a book around with you and read it so many times that, despite it only being bought a month ago, the darn thing looks like it’s been through six hurricanes and a wildfire? You’ve highlighted quotes and bent pages even though you promised yourself you’d keep the book in perfect condition.

That is why I want to be an author.

Books are not just stories and authors are not just story tellers. They are inspirations, they are life savors, and most importantly, they are the people I strive to be apart of. I want to be able to create something that other people read and read and read until they can’t even manage to work their fingers to turn the page or keep their eyes open long enough to read the next word. I want to have people message me telling me that I did something amazing.

Books are not just stories. I know I already said that but it is so important to understand. It does not matter how fictional or non fictional a book is, an author has poured a part of themself into that text. Books are not just stories. They are books of lessons and quotes that people fall so hard for that they mark them permanently on their bodies. They are books full of so much inspiration that they literally inspire someone else to create something either based of that book or entirely of their own.

There are so many authors that have inspired me to write. So many characters I compare people to. So many quotes that I’ve written in so many places I’ll never be able to remember them all. I want to be an author so I can have that impact on someone’s life. I want to inspire others like I have been inspired.

Books have saved me, have made me into who I am today. I carry apart of every book I’ve read around inside me because every single one of my favorite charcters have shaped me to be who I am. I want to save someone, I want to help someone figure out who they are.

I want to run into someone on the street and have them stop me and show me a tattoo of a quote of mine or picture that represents something I wrote.

Most importantly, I want that kid who sits lonely in their room because they are afraid to be who they are or maybe even don’t know who they are to be able to find themselves because of something I wrote. I want to write something that lets someone know that they aren’t alone in how they feel. I want someone to connect to one of my characters and know that there are other people who feel and think as they do and know that that character is a part of me or someone I know.

Being an author is more than being able to tell as story. It’s being able to create something that goes out to impact people in ways that you could only dream of. 

Death Note: A Review

If you like watching movies after they are totally spoiled do watch this after reading the review or, maybe just maybe, put this review aside and watch the movie first BUT don’t forget to come back and read my review.


I don’t usually write reviews for things because, quite frankly, I believe I’m awful at them and usually don’t have strong enough opinions on the things I watch or read but OH BOY does this movie need and deserve a review.

So, first of all, this definitely started out as a hate review for a very morally messed up movie featuring Demon Joker Groot and the ironically named boy named Light who uses a book of death and Demon Joker Groot to kill a fellow bully at school. Now, I didn’t change my mind about the movie being morally messed up, because it totally is in all sense of the word, BUT it is actually really good — and I promise if you can get yourself to sit through the beginning of truly weird unmoral oddness you might actually enjoy it (or at least appreciate the message of the movie).

“I don’t have a pen… it’s a good thing that you have a pen.”

The movie starts out with a kid, Light, giving homework answers to some other kid and, suddenly, it’s raining. Out of the raining sky, the Death Note plops right in front of our main character, Light. Yes, it literally rained a notebook but hey that’s probably one of the least weird things about this movie.

Jump forward to Light (but really who names their kid Light? Really just a poor excuse to use irony considering what he does) getting detention over cheating and doing kids homework. The teacher leaves the detention room and Light pulls out the mysterious Death Note that rained down from the heavens. BOOM, suddenly, a jar of marbles crashes as he opens up the book and the room shakes and explodes and we have the appearance of our lovely smiley, creepy laugh Joker demon that looks a lot like an evil version of Groot.

Again, that’s not even the weird part. Of course a creepy demon is going to come along with the creepy notebook of death. What’s actually weird is Light only freaks out over a demon appearing for about five minutes until he starts having a normal conversation with Demon Joker Groot about the rules of Death note and then thus decides “Hey I have a god of death in front of me why not do what he says and befriend the tree demon and kill the bully beating up the hot chic” as if gods of death appear on people’s doorsteps everyday and offer to let you kill people at your own will.

I’m sorry, but I think the normal thing to do in this situation would be to pee myself and run away and ditch the notebook entirely. Did he ever watch a horror movie in his life? Doesn’t he know these things never turn out well? But no, instead, Light writes down the bully’s name in the notebook of death and becomes entirely SHOOKETH that the kid actually dies. Dude, take a second to think about the fact that you’re talking to a literal demon holding a notebook of death in a room that basically exploded around you and you just thought… that the guy wouldn’t actually die?

Not only does this kid have his morals twisted by actually writing down a name to test the whole death theory but he’s not very bright either.

“This might sound crazy, but I have a death god.”

Next scene, Light is totally sitting on the bleachers in the middle of gym class just casually reading the Death Note as if it was some Shakespeare book he had to study for English class. Once again, that’s normal compared to the fact that the hot girl getting bullied comes to sit next to him and he totally confesses to killing the bully with the notebook of death AND THE HOT GIRL JUST ACTS LIKE IT’S TOTALLY NORMAL AFTER SHE WATCHES HIM USE THE BOOK AND WATCHES A LIVE BROADCAST OF SOME CRIMINAL DYING THE WAY HE WROTE DOWN.

Not to mention the totally random make out session that occurred after basically making a dude die. “Oh yes, I just love people who possess creepy books that kill people. Kiss me!” and then they fall in love with each other and continue killing off criminals.

“It’s not going to solve a few crimes, it’s going to solve all crime.”

Keep in mind that this is where it actually got good.

Despite the fact that these two people find no problem that a demon/death god gave them a notebook that has the power to kill people by simply picturing their face and writing down their name, they actually use it for somewhat good. They decide that they can use the book for something other than revenge (assuming the previous people who were in possession of killer notebook used it that way) and kill big criminals and help the law system.

This is where the message of the movie comes into play. “We do not get to choose who gets to live or die no matter how bad a person is”. So even though the movie is pretty messed up the message is well portrayed and this is where I started to understand the point of the movie rather than it just being two kids killing people for the fun of it.

The kids actually come up with a creative way in getting their ‘justice’  by using the alias Kira. In one language (i’ve already forgotten which) it means light like the main characters name, but in Japanese it means killer thus giving the kids a way to put their name on the killings without it coming back to them because at least they recognize that this whole killing thing can still get them in huge trouble, right?

Together they literally kill over four hundred people in the course of… who knows how long. I don’t, because if they stated it I totally did not catch it because I was too caught up in the amount of people killed but it was definitely within less than a month if I was to guess.

“You’re the one who flew into the sun. I’m just here to make sure you actually burn”

Eventually, like any good murder spree movie, a man starts to search for the mysterious Kira. But only after four hundred people are killed. Apparently, two hundred and three hundred people dead from one mysterious force is okay but passing four hundred is just stepping the line.

At this point, Light starts to feel bad because, again, killing a few hundred people is okay but four hundred is definitely pushing the limit and maybe they should stop. Well, the girlfriend doesn’t like this idea and, long story short, detective dude figures out Light is Kira, girlfriend steals notebook of death, girlfriend (oh her name is Mia by the way but really, who actually cares) writes Light’s name down in the book and threatens to not burn the page (apparently that nullifies the killing but they can only do it once?) if he doesn’t pass the death book over to her.

Another long story short, they end up at the top of a ferris wheel after being chased by mysterious detective dude along with the police and somehow the girlfriend’s name is now in the book and they both fall to their death to some old, classic rock sounding love song.


“Sometimes you have to choose the lesser of two evils”

haha just kidding that wasn’t the end. You thought them falling to their death together was oddly justifying well hold onto your horses folks because this is where this movie really gets weird.

Let me break it down for you: Light wakes up from a coma after basically drowning in the ocean (lake?) below the ferris wheel but do not fret the girlfriend actually died but the page with Light’s name magically ripped out of the notebook and happened to land in some fire. What a coincidence, NOT. Light planned it all. He wrote the whole scene down in the book with the fire and ferris wheel collapsing and killing his girlfriend and a few more criminals on the way (yea apparently the book does more than just kill people).

But the best part is, not only does he put the blame elsewhere because he obviously can’t kill while in a coma but we figure out he planned all the end scene BECAUSE HE CONFESSES IT ALL TO HIS FATHER. “Oh by the way dad I killed like four hundred people including my girlfriend isn’t that rad?”

BUT WAIT, the dad is just totally chill with the whole entire thing and that’s basically where the movie ends.

Other weird moments worth mentioning

  • Oh yes let me just put the apple in front of the cracked open door. I bet the demon is hungry. HE TOTALLY EATS APPLES TOO gotta be healthy even in hell.
  • Demon is weirdly chill about Light’s confliction at the beginning of the movie. Instead of trying to influence him to kill, the demon is all like “no biggie if you can’t kill a bunch of people just don’t touch the book for seven days and I’ll pass it along”
  • Can we just mention again about this weird romance plot in the background? it’s so messed up and stemmed through the bonding of killing criminals and they just madly fell in love over this fact? Romance these days.
  • The demon death god has joker like laugh and super creepy laugh but his voice is oddly satisfying to listen to? It’s also like super chill. I guess when you kill people everyday and most likely have been alive for thousands of years you develop this chill vibe even as a demon joker groot.